I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
