Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
