I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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