ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
