He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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