y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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