Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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