if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
