I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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