You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
