so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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