That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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