I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
