Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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