allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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