dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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