I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
