It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im six kinds of drunk right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
