I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
