I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
