Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
