I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
