I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
