When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
