this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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