addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
