i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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