Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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