dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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