you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
