Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
