I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
