it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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