at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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