My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
