That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
