It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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