I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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