I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
