My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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