i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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