If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
