I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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