CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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