The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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