Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
