You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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