Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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