i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
