HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
