Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
