Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
