I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
