Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
