i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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