if you like me you must not know who I am
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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