My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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